When Emotion is the Fault

The Day of My Propose

I was in my village. My room is in ground floor. In the afternoon I told Baptuda (the owner of the Xerox shop) not to switch off his phone because I’d need his help. He was agreed to do that and asked the reason. I explained my plan to him and he wished me good luck. I was nervous and slightly restless. The ashtray was about to full. After taking my dinner I called her and asked about her dinner. I knew it very well. I knew her timetable very well. After few words I hang up. We normally talked after completion of our study hours. But that day I couldn’t concentrate. I was restless and nervous. It’s hard for me to wait anymore. Suddenly I received her text message.

“Pleasewait for a while. I’m about to finish. But no more cigarettes, ok?! Call yousoon.”

I was surprised to read her message. I was about to smoke. The cigarette was in my hand but I couldn’t smoke. She was very much caring. “She is my love, my Titir and I’m going to propose her today.” I told myself. I was too much nervous and just trying to control me helplessly. My brain and my heart were fighting for my decision. My heart supports my decision and my brain just trying to stop me. I was confused. I’d no idea about my next step but finally I cheered up myself. The decision was taken. I must propose her. I was waiting for her call.

It was near about 12.30 a.m. 16^th December 2007. As the reply to her miscall, I dialed her number. I felt speechless. I felt scared. I didn’t know what to say or how to start.

“hey hello…… Now tell me. I can’t wait anymore.” She said in a cut voice. I loved that voice. Her voice helped me to feel better. Her voice played a melodious tune in my heart.

“Hmmm…… ”I responded her.

“Ok, then tell me na…..” she was amazing. My heart won over my brain.

“Ya. But I don’t know how to start” I told the truth.

“Why? I don’t know how but you have to say all these right now. I can’t wait. Please try to understand my situation. Please tell me na…..” she told.

“Ok. The topic is serious. You told me the criteria of your boyfriend. I thought and now I think I can apply for you” I replied in a naughty but serious tone.

“What?!” she surprised. I could imagine her facial expressions. I was trying to make a sketch of her in my mind.

“Ya. Actually I’m not a bad guy. Isn’t it?”

“Hmmm…….”taking a while she started “listen I don’t know how to answer you but I’m waiting for someone”. She was serious.

I was about to cry but I controlled my emotions and replied her normally “who is he?”

“I don’t know but ……” she was confused.

“I’m the person who can fulfill your every criterion, who can take care of you, who is your best friend. You are comfortable to me. I’m also comfortable to you. Our frequency is near about same. I can feel you. I don’t know what to say except that I love you. I love you lot. Will you be mine?” I felt some relief. I felt better. At last I proposed her.

“I don’t know what to say. It’s very difficult for me to lose a friend like you. You are very sweet. I know that. You are emotional. I like you very much but till now I never say yes to any proposals from boys.” She paused and taking a while she started again”I know how much close we are but I never imagined you as my boyfriend. I can share my every word with you……”she couldn’t explain properly.

“Then? What is your answer? Yes or no? What do you think?” I asked her.

She was confused. She was scared. I was able to feel her situation as I was also in same situations. I just asked her about her feelings to me. She didn’t talk normally. I was between happy and sorrow. I was waiting for her answer holding my breath. To control my nerves I started to smoke sitting on a bench outside the room. My balance was about to finish.

“Please wait for a while. I’ll call you within 2 minutes. Till then you should think about your answer. Ok? Please don’t mind” I told her and disconnect the call. It was near about 2 a.m. I called Baptuda for recharge. He did this with a smile and wanted the update. I told him the updates quickly and disconnect the phone. Soon I dialed her number.

“Sorry. Actually my balance was about to finish. That’s why I called for balance recharge so that we can talk. Anyway what do you think? What is your answer?” I told her.

“Hmm… I don’t know why I can’t say you “no”. I don’t know what I should say. I’m totally confused. I know I can spend my life in happiness with you but the route may not be easy. There must be some ups and downs. And above all my family is my first priority in my life. I won’t do anything against my family.” She sounded her maturity.

“I know all this very well. I must take care of you. And…..” we both were happy.

Then we lost ourselves in each other. I felt me like a feather. Everything was so perfect. The dark sky, the cold wind, and the stars everything congratulates me for my new life. I was entering into a new stage of my life. I was very happy. I want to assign a name for her. We were discussing about names. At last she happily accepted a name. The name is “Titir”. In the mean time I recharged my phone balance once more and told Baptuda about her answer, he congratulated me with a smile. I called her Titir because of her nature. She was talkative, frankly, lovely, cute, nice, and childish and bla bla……

It was near about 4 a.m. I nature was calm and the night was beautifully ending. The birds were on the threshold of a new day. They started to sing. I felt awesome.

 “Then what about my name? How will you call me? You have to suggest a name for me” I demanded to her.

“ok. Let me think. “She started to think and after taking few minutes she announced”Ankush. It should be perfect for you”.

I appreciated her for her choice. I was in my best days of my life.

 “Ok Titir. Call you in the morning. Bye. Good night. Sweet dreams. Take care. Bye” I told her happily.

“Hmm… but is there anything else?” she was little bit surprised. I thought about her demand.

“Love you Titir. Bye” I replied with a smile and I was dying to see her face. I was happy. At last I was able to propose her and she accepted it. It was a great time for me. I wanted to tell this in a loud voice so that everybody was able to hear. I felt terrible happy after a long time but wanted to hear those sweet words from her. So I forced her for the reply and then she told me “love you too Ankush. Take care. Bye

(Shankhachil).